I feel so listless.

These past few days I've just been feeling so unmotivated.

It's obvious looking back at my posts.

Nothing is happening.

I feel the need to tel you guys something but there's nothing really to tell.

I haven't been doing much either.

The Second is back but other than a few conversations, the apology date and the meeting with Jane we haven't done much.

It feels like I'm just waiting now.

Waiting till December.

Little more than two months to go...

Still no answers as to what's going to happen.

If I just left now.

Went back home I don't think they'd come after me.

I get the feeling it's inevitable by now.

They don't need to do anymore.

That's why I'm being mostly left alone.

It doesn't matter anymore.

I don't matter anymore.

Jane

So I met up with her today and told her The Second was not actually my boyfriend.

Her response: "Oh... That's too bad, he's cute. Is he single?"

I said probably.

She's like: "Cool thing he'd be interested?"

and for some reason I yelled at her.

"No! He's only interested in me"

She backed away.

"Woah! Ok fine you can have him."

"I don't want him."

"You don't want him but you don't want anyone else to have him"

"No! Er... Well... Huh."

I left shortly after.

I'm in a bad mood now...

I don't think I'll be hanging out with Jane any time soon.

Why am I writing?

Because I said I would.

But nothing is happening?

That's no excuse not to inform people nothing is happening.

But no one cares unless something happens.

True...

Well then because I'm bored.

ALSO RIGHT SOMETHING DID HAPPEN!

Not something interesting but The Second and Jane met.

I went out to meet Jane and The Second showed up while we were hanging out.

He introduced himself as my boyfriend >.>

After that I left with him because he offered to drive me back and I didn't feel like taking the bus.

I can't wait to talk to Jane later and find out her opinion on him.

Poor neglected little thing.

Don't worry little blog I'm sorry.

I'll give you all the love and attention you deserve.

So, yeah.

I've been neglecting this little blog for a while haven't I.

Well I sort of have a good reason for this.

My new friends.

Yes friends.

A comment from Swan made me think.

Sure I had my new friend Jane but maybe I could actually recreate ties with my old friends.

I went to the school and waited to see if anyone I knew was there.

They were well some.

Not all.

But most.

We hung out after I came up with some story of where I've been and why I left.

They welcomed me back with open arms.

So I've been spending my time hanging out with my old group of friends and my new friend Jane.

The familiar feeling of normal friends and the lack of interest shown by the proxies with the continued disappearance of The Second I almost completely forgot about the life this blog was created for.

So I forgot about the blog.

I threw myself back into my old life in every way but school and my family.

So, ok not quite into my old life but my old friends.

Then the worst possible thing happened.

The Second came back.

He showed up at my apartment yesterday night.

I thought I was dreaming and I let him in and we talked about where he went and about what I've been doing.

He wasn't the one who killed the date rapist apparently so guess it was The Master.

Then he kissed me.

I kissed back and hugged him tightly.

Remember I thought this was all a dream.

I told him about how I had been missing him and I think I might have been crying...

... I'm sure at least part of it was a dream or grogginess because I don't cry.

Anyways then this morning I woke up went out and he was waiting for me outside.

Upon realizing that the night before had not been dream my current life sped back to me.

According to The Second I started screaming then ran back into the apartment and hid under my blanket.

Later he took me on a date to my favourite restaurant as an apology for everything.

Anyways I'm back and so is he and everything is back to "normal".

Wait I just noticed something weird...

I said he told me where he had been and I'm sure he did tell me but for the life of me I can't actually remember what he said...

Been a while but I actually managed to make a friend.

I've been staying away from bars and clubs since the last incident.

Still no sign of The Second btw.

Anyways I've been mostly just spending my days hanging out at the closest mall.

One day while eating some fast food a girl comes over to the table and asks if she can sit with me.

I let her.

She was about my age.

She also had pink hair.

It was so pretty.

She was actually just really pretty in general.

We didn't talk for the most part.

Just ate quietly.

I don't remember which of us started the conversation.

Anyways her name is Jane and she apparently goes to the same school I went to before I dropped out to chase down The Master.

I asked her about some of my old friends but she apparently didn't know any of them.

That's sort of weird.

I assume she'd be in the same grade as them she must have at least met one of them.

Oh well.

Anyways we've been meeting at the mall to hang out for the last little while.

Blood and Black outs.

So I went out yesterday going with Swan's idea of making friends.

I have no idea where one goes to make friends so after hanging out at a mall until it closed I started home.

Then I found myself walking by a night club.

It was just opening up for the night.

I remembered hearing about it on the news once.

I think a girl was raped and murdered in the bathroom.

Sounds like a great place.

I figured not like I really have much more to worry about nowadays.

That reminds me I actually turned 19 on the 20th of august.

Forgot to mention it what with the dying of a mysterious disease and all.

Anyways so I decided to go in.

Thought as well maybe I'd try some alcohol for once.

I had just turned legal recently and been kind of busy so didn't really have time to get a license but luckily for me The Proxies had supplied me with pretty much anything I could ever need in way of licenses.

Pretty sure I even have a license to own a small business selling fans somewhere here.

Anyways sorry going on a bit of a tangent.

So yeah went into the club used a fake license.

There were very few people there this early so I headed straight to the bar.

I ordered a drink no clue what kind.

Took a sip and almost threw up.

Immediately there's this guy sitting beside me.

Bleached blond hair with the tips still brown, collared shirt with the first four buttons down showing his chest, sunglasses in a dark nightclub.

Looking back I should have left the moment I saw this obvious dick.

It's like the Second if he wasn't suave about it and occasionally saw the sun.

Actually I probably didn't leave cause the guy offered to buy me a better drink.

I'm apparently much more of a gullible idiot then I like to think I am.

So yeah he tells me: "First drink? Bad choice. Here I'll get you something better. I'll even pay."

I sort of just nodded trying to hold down my lunch.

Guy ordered something in another language.

I don't know what language probably wouldn't of cared.

Anyways guy gives me this new drink the bartender gives him and I obligingly take a drink and run to the bathroom to throw up.

I eventually came back and the guy tells me that it was probably still just a reaction to the first drink and I should try another sip.

I obliged and it did actually taste better.

And that's all I remember before waking up face down on a bed with my pants and underwear pulled around my ankles and the entire room splattered in blood and body parts.

I'm pretty clear on how I ended up waking up face down and partly undressed but the blood was a little surprising.

I'm assuming that my little evil guardian angel or The Master himself protected me and murdered the guy.

Although that does mean that one of those two saw me undressed.

The Master seeing me doesn't bother me much.

He'd probably not even care.

The idea The Second might have seen me undressed mortifies me.

Of course there's no actual hint as to which of them was responsible or whether it was actually one of them.

Went back to the apartment and fell asleep for a while after.

If The Second doesn't come back tomorrow I'm not giving up on the friend idea but I am going to be avoiding nightclubs and alcohol.

Woke up facedown on a bed with my pants and underwear off and the room covered in blood.

I don't think things went well last night.

I saw him.

I was wandering around the city and I saw The Second.

He was talking to someone I didn't recognize.

They were drinking something and had one hand in a sling but other than that I couldn't tell anything about them.

The strange man left and The Second turned to see me.

Time stood still and then he walked off.

I chased him.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I don't know why I have this desire suddenly to be near him.

It's killing me.

Regardless I chased him.

He turned a corner I was only seconds behind him and he was gone when I turned the corner.

Question...

Opening a path using it and then closing the path takes more than 2-3 seconds right?

I don't really know for sure so that could be normal but I sort of just assume it generally takes longer than that.

I feel so lonely.

It feels like I'm incomplete.

He's doing something to me and I'm terrified of what it might be.

Still Missing.

I've taken to wandering around aimlessly through the apartment and city.

I went to the theater yesterday.

I went out to eat at a restaurant today.

I checked the area for any beaches.

There weren't any nearby...

I see a pattern do you?

What the hell is wrong with me.

I'm still alive.

Feeling broken and betrayed but alive.

Interesting fact.

Normal oblivious people out there are mostly in school by now.

I was one of those weird kids who actually liked school.

Bet you didn't expect that huh?

Really school was easy for me and there was nothing really to do at home that I couldn't do there.

Ok getting up early in the morning in the dead of winter wasn't fun but school itself was fine.

Except this one teacher I had.

He was a jerk...

I had this friend of mine.

She used to be in the same class as me and we used to be close but she stopped coming to school.

As a result I stopped seeing her.

It was the teacher's fault.

She didn't do very well in his class.

Guy was a psychotic perfectionist.

He'd yell at her and insult her every time she did bad on a test or something.

There were a number of complaints but for some reason he was never disciplined until on day.

His constant insults plus some trouble at home had driven her to a depressed state and he told her she should kill herself because she would never amount to anything.

She went home and decided to do so.

She tried to slit her own throat but merely managed to hospitalize herself.

After that and a small lawsuit the school fired that teacher and he may have gotten some legal trouble but I don't know.

Regardless because of the school's hesitance to do anything until then her parents still took her out of that school and I never saw her again.

This post had no real point.

Oh right!

The Second hasn't been around in a while.

Just in case you haven't read the comments last post.

The Second left while I was on the mission.

He's still not back and I miss him.

He's creepy and I hate him but it feels wrong now without him around.

Ok so here's what happened.

Also sorry about the lateness on this update and reply but I've been in...

A bad way since the mission.

They used me to betray and lure a bunch of my fellow humans into a massacre.

I was incredibly stupid to not see it coming.

They never told me why they needed me but they told me to go ask a "random" group of people for the location of "Seil Latot", which I figured was an obvious fake name and was probably some proxy, and then tell them the information.

I did as asked.

The "random" group of people immediately got suspicious for some reason and after asking me a few questions they began acting threatening.

I ran back to the squad who were hiding out in a warehouse.

The group followed me.

As they entered the warehouse the doors shut and the proxies surrounded them.

Turns out this "Random" group was not a random group at all but a semi-organized group of runners.

The target of this mission was to eliminate this group of runners before they could become any more of a threat.

They used my lack of knowledge to help them.

I unknowingly acted in a suspicious manner but not overt enough for them to decide I was a proxy.

So they didn't outright kill me but I gained their attention.

The proxies knew I would eventually head back to them and knew or at least assumed the group would follow me.

They were of course all killed.

I feel horrible...

I'm not a proxy.

I'm a human.

I'm not a proxy.

I'm not a proxy.

I'm not a proxy...

I'm not...